If you can't say nuthin' nice, say somethin' funny

The weather situation here in Utah has been very wet. The newscasters are continually comparing our rainfall to 1983, the last great flood in the area. Anyway, as I have been contemplating (and often cursing) the rainy/snowy (Yes, snow, they are predicting 4 inches in the valleys tomorrow.) weather we have been having, I have been thinking of a story that I read in a book called Sanpete Tales: Humorous Folklore from Central Utah. If you can get this book, I recommend it, it was funny. Many of the settlers of Sanpete County were of Scandinavian descent. The story preserves their spoken accent.

"One year it had been unbearably hot the entire summer; the canyon streams had dried to a mere trickle. We had done all that we could do to conserve water, but it wasn't enough. Unless it rained, the crops were doomed; so Sunday was selected as a day of fasting and prayer for rain.

Hans P. Peterson was chosen to offer the prayer. He had been away to school and later gone on a mission to the Southern States, adding a Southern drawl to his Danish accent and his polysyllabic vocabulary. This is how he supplicated the Lord for rain: "Oh Faathehr, thou great and all-powerful antecedent of all that lives and grows upon the earth, we do beseech thee to meticulously guide us in our meandering on this mundane sphere and to help us in this present crisis. Thou knowest that hydrogen oxide, sometimes known as oxygen hydride, is essential to plant growth and we beseech thee to let it descend from the heavens onto the earth, and cause that our plant life may assimilate it and grow to maturity and be food for our bodies and strength for our souls. This we pray for in the name of thine only perfect Son, Jesus. Amen."

It didn't rain. Faithful Andrew surmised that God couldn't understand Brother Hans P. and Mormon Preacher Nielson seconded this position. So they decided to try once more. This time Lead Pencil Petersen was chosen to make the prayer, for said Faithful Andrew, "His prayer vill be straight as a ramrod vit not even a kink at de top to pull it back vit."

This is how Lead Pencil Peterson put the case before the Lord: "Our Heavenly Fadder, ve has come togedder, de whole bunch of us, to pray for rain. Tings look very bad down here and de plants looks purty drooped oond veary. Now vat ve arr praying for is rain, but understand, Fadder, ve don't vant von of dese tunder oond lightening showers, for dey neffer do much good oond often dey do a hell of a lot of damage, oond ve don't vant no gully vasher either. Let de rain be a slow and gradual von vit plenty of vet in it. Now, Fadder, ve hope dat you vill gif dis supplication your undivided attention for it mean much to both us oond you. You understand effen ve don't get no crops den you don't get no tithing. In de name of de Son. Amen."

Well, you know, it clouded up that afternoon and by evening there was a steady, gentle downpour which lasted a couple of days. Lead Pencil Peterson gave full credit to God. He said, "I know de Lord vould see dat it vas a good deal as soon as he understood how de business affected Him."

An excellent lesson in praying for what you really need and having the faith that it will be granted. Now, if everyone in Utah would just pray for a little dry. Sunny would be nice too. And don't forget warm.